Knowing

Hey there,

I don't know. I don't know how to live life the right way. How to make everyday memorable. How to fully live life without wasting time. I'm not sure if it's possible. I'm not sure of anything really. No one is I guess. We don't know what will happen in the future or even tomorrow. We don't know why we were all put together on earth. We don't even know who put us here, people have their theories and beliefs but who knows which one is right? Some people think everything happens for a reason, but what is the reason? I feel like people allow themselves to think this because if everything didn't happen for a reason, everything would just be a coincidence and there would feel like there is no meaning. I don't know again, if there is reason or if it's just coincidence. The thing is, there are so many unanswered questions that can never be answered, isn't that a little scary? Not knowing.  

I am a girl who wants to experience everything: happiness, heart break, jealousy, love, anger, depression ect I want to feel all the emotions possible. I want tonnes of amazing and shitty memories, that will change me and sculpt who I am. I am the girl with the huge bucket list and the girl who dreams of a 'perfect future' and the all places I could travel. But I have a fear, one that I will share with you. It's called torschlusspanik which is the fear that one's life is passing by. I hate knowing that I'm getting older and possibly running out of chances to do things even though I'm still in my teenage years. I just feel as though when I look back on a year there are only a few AMAZING memories that you remember. I'm scared that I'm wasting time doing stupid things, such as lazy days in the house or just watching YouTube videos. I'm afraid that I'm not experiencing enough. It feels like I'm not living my life to the fullest because most days are insignificant. 

What I do know though is that I have an amazing really dysfunctional family whom I love. Friends I could laugh with all the time who constantly make me smile. I know that I could pick up a book and read for hours on end or that I could play piano and feel peaceful. I could sing and strum a guitar really really badly while belting out the lyrics and have a dance party. I know that this earth that we were put on for whatever reason is full of wonders. 

I guess I do know quite a lot but not at all enough. We will never know everything, we are curious so we continue to trying to solve mysteries. But I think I've come to realise that everyday is full of hope and opportunities. That not everyday will be memorable and awesome. Because then I don't think we would fully cherish the best days. I don't think everyday has to be amazing to live life to the fullest. I think to live life to the fullest you just have to do what you want. If that's having a lazing day that's fine. By just living we are making memories, we don't need every single day to be special but every once in a while something amazing will happen and you will know that life is wonderful. 

I don't want to be scared anymore, although I know that life is passing by and we are getting older every second, but we are also living every second too, we are alive and we can choose how to live. It is our choice -nobody can tell you what to do- so take the chances that we come across and make amazing memories. Don't wait for a coincidence, it's all up to you. 

Beautiful Dreamer 

xxxx